rumbled

the past few weeks have not been the brightest. but it really makes you put things in perspective. i am so thankful for my family, my friends, my ability to pursue my dreams, and the grounding i always manage to find even in tough times. 

a gunman went on a rampage a few blocks from my school today killing friends of friends, keelin's dad died last week, my car broke down, i found out i have to move out of my house, Chelsea might be moving out-of-state, i haven't been very focused on/excited about school, and i found out the person i'm (newly) dating is a conservative christian who doesn't support gay marriage, but i still like him. and i'm now rumbled because i just talked to an old love and will be seeing him tomorrow.

it's just a lot. 2012, why you so crazy? we aren't even halfway through yet. it all started with hitting that damn peacock on new years day.

 in the end though, life is good. and it always will be good. last saturday i woke up in my van with a towel as a pillow after a night of drinking. the birds were chirping and i had gotten a wonderful nights sleep. there was something special about that morning and i wish i could hold that feeling forever. i knew then that everything was gonna be alright.

i'm still a child

sometimes i think i'm a grown-up. i'm 25, i'm in graduate school, my parents don't support me financially, and i make my own decisions. but then when i actually look at my lifestyle and actions i have to question it. like last night - my room was a complete mess, i halfway unpacked from babysitting over the weekend which resulted in me dumping my suitcase on the floor. i drank a 22 of the hop ottin' ipa, was a little buzzed, and decided to get stoned before bed. then i pour myself some cereal, and of course add chocolate chips. then i set my cereal bowl in bed next to me, re-adjusted so that i can see my laptop screen better to watch grey's anatomy on netflix, and of course my cereal spills in my bed. then i just put a towel on top of the almond milk seeping into my mattress. it's moments like these that make me realize i'm still a kid.