alone in the snow

i've been meditating a bit more lately, but i'm not sure what good it has done. i've always thought i was good at being alone, i liked being alone. but right now it's hard. i want to travel again - i felt a lot less lonely thousands of miles away from everyone that i knew because i was content with myself and i felt complete. now i am searching for something. i think it's just exacerbated by the fact that i haven't heard from cowboy.

i did see a fellow recently that i used to think about a lot. i still think about a lot. but i know right now it's best for me to deal with these feelings of loneliness and turn them into solitude. i know it will be a long road but i have to go.

i need to get away. from my e-mail, petty conversation, always wanting a distraction. what am i afraid of finding if i'm truly just present with myself?